L is for Lusty Lizzard

Too much information?

2005-08-21T16:47:00.000-05:00

Want too much information about me? Well, I'm moving to LiveJournal, so you can continue to read about my wackiness there.
http://www.livejournal.com/users/j00n13/

Welcome Back, Lusty Lizzard

2005-03-30T12:32:00.000-06:00

Well, it appears that some time has elapsed since my last Blogging episode. I'm sure you're uber-excited that I've returned for this post. Direct your thanks to this man, without whom this blog-motivation may never have occurred:
http://gamerphreak.blogspot.com/

A quick phrase on what I've been doing for the remainder of 2004 and the beginning of 2005: Final Fantasy XI, and Good Ole' Medical School.

My lastest endeavor is creating life, which should have interesting effects on the above two activities. Who da baby daddy, you ask? It's none other than Pimp CJ, the man who put the TOP in Topology:
http://www.math.uno.edu/~jensen

Last minutes of freedom

2004-06-30T07:32:00.000-05:00

Today is my last day of summer vacation! Waaaaaa! And I have a dentist appointment at 9. I hate that, but I'd rather get it over with than try to schedule it during the first month of my surgery rotation.

I'm definitely nervous, scared, jittery, and any other words you can think up for "Hell's no, me's don wanna go" to school. This is going to be a whole new ball game for me. As a perfectionist, I love excelling at everything I do. But starting new things is a bitch. I hate being a pawn (like I told Cassie: "I'm going to be the only pawn on the chessboard who insists on moving like a knight"), and I hate not knowing what's going on. I'm afraid I'm going to lose all sense of perspective locked in the hospital for days on end.

What am I going to do today? Probably play a lot of FFXI.

Last days of freedom!

2004-06-28T15:49:00.000-05:00

I'm enjoying my last days of freedom before starting my third year of medical school. I'm getting a lot of chores done, and have been playing a lot of fun games too! I hope things get off to a good start on Thursday.

Identity crisis

2004-06-27T10:17:00.000-05:00

For some reason, I managed to sign in as "L Jensen" and couldn't, for the life of me, figure out why I couldn't post to my blog. "I'm L Jensen" I thought. And "I'm the Lusty Lizzard". Wow, my first DID experience. Well, maybe I've had DID (Dissociative ID disorder--the fancy way of saying "Multiple Personality Disorder") before, but it's never been this confusing.

I am again in the process of updating my website. Having pictures on multiple servers is a bitch. I'm transferring everything big to Craig's account to simplify things.

Also news is that I've started playing Final Fantasy XI, my first online game. It is every bit as addictive as any other bit of net-crack, and Craig and I are already chomping at the bit to play. We can't play simultaneously, and logging in and out is an ordeal. Jen, if you've got any time to kill, this is a rather amusing way of doing it. Not sure if you'd like it, but it's definitely interesting. Amber, you and Nick will love it, and probably fight each other to play--expensive though, if you don't already have the PS2 hard drive. I'm Yunie, a Hume in Bastok on the Ramuh server if you ever get there :)

More uplifting

2004-06-17T12:24:00.000-05:00

No more boards! Now I'm on vacation, and trying desperately to relax. I had a great time with Jen (yes, famous Jen of blog-dom) at lunch on Tuesday. Then I came to Ann Arbor and had fun with my friends (including Amber, who also needs to update her blog :)
All in all, it's been a nice trip, and I hope it doesn't get too stressful when I try to contact the "fake family" and let them know I'm on to them... That is, trying to figure out how to tactfully let them know I'm not really related to them. Also wondering if I should try to make progress on the "real family" front. Always a mess...

But for now, relax! Get ready for the trip back to Detroit!

My angst

2004-06-10T06:38:00.000-05:00

Okay, this is mostly yesterday's rant, but I was too depressed yesterday to do much of anything.

I hate feeling useless! I hate collapsing and crying, and feeling useless! Studying for the last two weeks has been driving me crazy. I've been "stealing" moments for myself. I shouldn't have to steal moments to take a break! I've been working 10-12 hours a day, and I still don't feel ready for this ridiculous test. Yesterday was the straw that broke my back. I woke up at 6am to take a practice test, and I did horrible. Then I beat myself up. Perfectionism is not for the weak-of-stomach.

Another thing is that I feel that I'm putting off everything. I hate procrastinating, because it makes me *way* more stressed. I like getting things done. I hate having to tell myself, over and over and over, "This needs to wait until after the boards" or "I can't think about this right now". Do you know there are three separate defense mechanisms that involve putting off thought? It's ridiculous. I need to vent NOW. I need to get it out NOW.

What am I putting off? Well, the dad situation is around #1. The fake dad situation is #2 (figuring out how to tell him and his mother that I'm not really a part of their family, but I really want to continue having a grandmother, just not a retarded father). Getting a new shrink is #3. Investing the emotional time and energy into finding a reasonable person who won't abandon me and who can deal with my special needs. My last shrink's husband died, so she flaked out and basically abandoned me (the shrinks out there are probably nodding to themselves, full aware of "my special needs"). Jenny, maybe you can be a shrink...

So then I was ridiculous to Craig, drove him away, and convinced myself he didn't love me anymore. The great thing about Craig is that he only stayed away for a little while, and then we went to wal mart. Good husband. Then we had a water fight outside in the backyard, because I've apparently needed to regress for the last month. Wet and happy, I sat on the furniture to watch Star Wars Episode 4. And ate lots of sugar free chocolate. My cataracts will be arriving anytime now... Yumm....sorbitol.

My movie...

2004-06-10T06:32:00.000-05:00

Interestingly enough...

Fight Club!

What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Really moving...

2004-06-05T08:14:00.000-05:00

Wow, I spend three days away from my blog, and there's a lot going on! And I've been inspired to leave little pieces of blog all over the place!

Maybe I'm just nervous about my exam today. In less than 2 hours, I'm going to be practice clicking my way through 350 multiple choice questions. Not much creativity there. My right brain is getting its last hurrah before succumbing to overviewing information and looking at diagrams. My left brain is dead. 2+2 = my kidneys don't work anymore.

Insomnia

2004-06-02T13:28:00.000-05:00

Urgle... I haven't been able to sleep for the past two nights. Two things emerge: 1) There is absolutely nothing I can do about the Hartwig situation, and it's driving me insane (insom). 2) I should avoid both caffeine and alcohol, as neither will make anything easier for me.

Coloring

2004-05-31T12:37:00.000-05:00

I don't think I can overestimate the value in crayons. It takes you right back to the womb, ya? Because everyone colors in utero. Anyway, I was pretty stressed the other day, so I grabbed my red crayon box (which proudly proclaim "Almost evry color") and made some pictures. What did I make, you ask? I made flags for L's country and Craig's country. Everyone has their own country, so why not make a flag for it?

Rip it up!

2004-05-29T10:56:00.000-05:00

When I was a kid, I used to have a big party at the end of school, and gleefully tear up all my paperwork from the year. It was gloriously cathartic, and had a happy ending all at the same time. In fact, some of my friends would come over, and we could rip up *each other's papers*. Amazing.

Now, I'm sifting through about ten times as many assignments and notes, and rather than ripping up the ones I don't need anymore, I'm selling them. Not as cathartic, but it works.

Another study day

2004-05-28T09:19:00.000-05:00

When there's no school, each study day just kind of blends into the next... I don't know how all those "non-class-goers" managed to keep from going insane! It's sort of like "Space madness" from Ren & Stimpy. I just might eat the soap...

Here's a joke you'll only get if you're a med student who games (oh wait, Jason and I are the only med students who game): How do you know if a med student games? She has a d6 that she's spinning around to try to figure out if the numbers correspond to the chambers of the heart (in filling order, and order in space). I did this for 15 minutes before giving up, because the heart isn't shaped like a d6. Maybe I can try a d8!

Blog de blog

2004-05-26T11:56:00.000-05:00

Well, this is my first blog post. Not that I'm a private person or *afraid* of blogs or anything... Let's just say I've spoken with my muse, and the stars are in a flush, high Queen.

I'm a med student. A very almost done second year who's hiding from big nasty books right now. This seems like as good a place to retreat as any.